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Guest Speaker: The 800-Mile Cheeseburger

08 November 2013

A veteran educator takes a road trip in search of the perfect bite.

By Bruce Konowalow, CCE

Finding good food in out-of-the-way places has been second nature to my wife, Carolle, and me. We have traveled 300-plus miles for a smoked-beef sandwich at Ben’s in Montreal, midnight trips to Chinatown in New York City, early-morning sojourns to the backdoor of Bridgeport, Conn.’s Zeislers bakery for fresh pastries still hot out of the oven, and have taken trips to eastern Long Island, Cape Cod and Connecticut for a good lobster roll.

Part of this quest has always been to find the holy grail of burgers, beefy nirvana. I do not know if there really is a best burger, but the experience is the thing. Those trips have taken us to quaint seaside clam shacks, rustic barbecue venues and hole-in-the-wall joints in big cities.

That being said, it came as no surprise to my wife when I asked her if she wanted to go to Amarillo to have a great burger at a little joint called the Coyote Bluff Café, a burger restaurant we had just seen on the Travel Channel. We were living in Dallas, so Amarillo was a good six-hour drive with few pit stops. The trip required a couple of tanks of gas and an overnight stay, so we knew these $8 burgers were going to cost about $75 each.  We scurried to the library for a couple of tour books and hit the road.

The trip is long and goes through small rural towns and plenty of cattle ranches. We almost stopped in our tracks when one of the ranches had 40 or 50 camels in a pasture—not something you see every day.  We concluded that seeing the camels was worth the trip regardless of how good the burger might turn out to be.

We had to make a pit stop at a rest area, and city slickers that we are, we were really surprised to see the “Beware of Snake” signs garnishing the sidewalk entrance to the restrooms. For the first time we felt like this is real Texas. We gingerly traversed the walkway and continued on.

Carolle is always the navigator and tour guide, so as we rode she described the local attractions in Amarillo. There’s the Big Texan Steak Ranch, home of the free 72-ounce sirloin if you can eat it in an hour, with rolls, potato and fixings. Also not to be missed is the section of  historic Route 66 that runs through Amarillo, the famed Cadillac Ranch and, the pièce de résistance, the second-largest canyon in the United States, called Palo Duro Canyon.  It is located in a state park 17 miles outside of Amarillo. We had our agenda set and were hankering for a burger.

Coyote Bluff is famous for its Burger from Hell, a half-pound monster topped with a heap of sautéed jalapeños, habanero sauce, tomato and grilled onions and, if requested, slathered with cheese. This is not the type of burger I prefer, but Carolle is addicted to jalapeños and couldn't wait to chomp on one of those bad boys. I have always been sort of a burger purist. I like a good, old-fashioned cheeseburger with American cheese and some sliced raw onion, a little ketchup and nothing else except a few french fries to go with it. On we rode with hunger building and wild anticipation that our 400-mile road trip would be rewarded by burger bliss.

A little more than six hours from Dallas we found a bank to get some cash (Coyote Café takes no credit cards) and then pulled into the dirt parking lot of what is a hole in the wall. The lot was nearly full, and there were a few folks waiting outside the front door. This place is so small that when all tables are taken the line goes out the front door. No problem: We scrunched inside, grateful that we would not be standing out in the 100-degree heat.

A short wait and a friendly waitress were appreciated. We looked around and saw some happy customers enjoying beer from the iced bathtub that dominates the center of the restaurant.  Others were chowing down on burgers and what appeared to be real hand-cut french fries. Carolle ordered the Burger from Hell and I the cheeseburger with a basket of those homemade fries. The small kitchen that is open to the dining room was pumping out food at a good clip given the fact that there were 60 or so orders in the window, a 6’ by 12’ kitchen and three cooks working their magic on the flat griddle and fryer.

In short order the food and moment of truth had arrived. The first bite revealed a perfectly cooked, juicy burger that was certainly in my top 10 of burger joints. The awesome Hell burger delivered on the capsicum heat, but did not deter my wife from prevailing. The french fries were admirable.  The slender, fresh-cut spuds were cooked perfectly, crisp on the outside, fluffy in the center. They were lightly seasoned with salt and rate up there with the best.

Our meal completed, we were satisfied our trip was not a fiasco. Satiated and happy, we waddled out and decided to take a quick trip over to historic Route 66.

Ever since the old TV show I had dreamed about getting into an old ’vet traveling Route 66 from St. Louis to Los Angeles, so getting to see Route 66 was eagerly anticipated. As with many things in life, sometimes the dream is better than the reality. This section of the route contained touristy antique shops, a few restaurants and not much else. Being a city boy, I expected a more vibrant street scene rather than quiet main street.

Early the next morning we drive out to Palo Duro Park. You can walk, bike or drive through a myriad of trails that give you different views of this vast canyon, which is 120 miles long, 20 miles wide and 800 feet deep at some spots. By contrast, the Grand Canyon is more than 300 miles long and as deep as 6,000 feet. The park abounds with wildlife, which you can probably see if the temperature isn’t 100-plus degrees. We searched for wild sheep, deer, snakes and my wife’s favorite, roadrunners, with no luck until we were exiting the park. Then a fleeting roadrunner made a three-second appearance and darted into the brush.

In a car you can drive around the park in about three hours, driving slowly and making a few stops at scenic viewing spots. This really made our spontaneous road trip worthwhile. We agreed that we needed to see the Cadillac Ranch, have lunch at the Big Texan and then head home. The Cadillac Ranch sits off a slice of Route 66, in a huge semi-barren wheat field with its 10 Cadillacs implanted in the earth at the same angle that Cheops’ pyramids were built to reflect the sun properly. Folks brought their spray paint to add their graffiti to the constantly changing public art project. It is an interesting roadside attraction whose history with the old hippie days brings back memories of the good times back in the early ’70s.

With the day half over it was time to head over to the Big Texan Steak Ranch and then home. The restaurant is big, open spaces with open char grills that offer a wide selection including the steak in all shapes and sizes and, yes, that big, 72-ounce sirloin for about $79 is offered gratis for all those daring enough to take the challenge and consume the gargantuan sirloin plus all the trimmings within an hour. Many have tried, but fewer than 20% succeed.

Our steaks were excellent and the prices were reasonable. It was a very nice family restaurant serving quality meats, tasty side dishes and some excellent yeast rolls. Happy and bloated, we headed south to Dallas. The quest for a good burger turned into a great road trip.


Bruce Konowalow, CCE, is dean of culinary arts of The Culinary Institute of Michigan in Muskegon.

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